Comparing Returns

I have just had one of the BEST week's of my life!. What a great time we had at Walt Disney World! I'm going to be posting my trip report here over the next couple of weeks. But that's not what this post is about. The purpose of this post is a comparison of 2 specific times in my life: the days following each of my vacations to Walt Disney World.

First let's go back to January 2004 and the days after my first trip. We had a very good time as a family on our first trip. There were so many great moments that I spent the rest of 2004 writing and preserving memories of our trip in a Disney version of the Yearbooks I was creating at the time.

However I was so focused on the Disney trip for more than a year before and had planned and anticipated it with such aspirations that the trip itself could not have possibly ever lived up to my expectations. I saw it as an end. It was the total focus point of my life for over a year. After it was over I had nothing to move on to. In the days after what I thought at the time was a once in a lifetime vacation was over I actually felt empty. Don't get me wrong I still had my wife and sons to build a life with. But for the most part on a personal basis I had nothing to look forward to. I had no life goals beyond getting to Disney World.

Also for 3 months before and shortly after my first Disney trip I worked at the AFNI call center as a trainer. About a month before my trip I was told that I was being replaced in my job due to a "restructuring" of the training department. I was so proud of getting the job as a trainer the previous September. I even used my obsession with the world of Disney as part of my interview for the job.

I was told in December that when I returned from my vacation in January I would no longer be a trainer. Just exactly what my job was going to be was not yet determined. I felt completely humiliated in my job. Turns out when I got back that management had nothing for me to do. I spent most of my day sitting at my desk writing personal stuff about my Disney trip on the computer and I got in trouble for doing that.

I also had to deal with the reality of my physical condition (aka being so over weight) which was really amplified by the difficulty I had getting around on our Disney World vacation and exhaustion I felt afterward. I got really depression about it . My weight had made the accomplishment of one of my life's goals (yes going to Disney World was a life goal for me at the time) extremely hard to do and severely diminished the satisfaction of doing it. That combined with the inability to permanently lose weight and keep it off sent me into an on-going depression that lasted for years.

Although initially, I tried to use the experience (Paula called it the "Disney Death March") as motivation to start eating right, losing weight and exercising the effort was short lived. I tried but couldn't be consistent. Our new dog, Dory, helped me with the motivation to walk. I estimated that I walked about 200 miles in '04. Unfortunately by the end of the year I had gained weight not lost.

I ended up leaving AFNI in May of 2004 and getting a new job at Perot Systems. That job started out okay but I had difficulties there which simply enhanced my on going depressed state.

In the days following the 2004 Disney World vacation I felt hopeless in regard to my personal future. Therefore I was obsessed with the remembering and preserving the memory of that week in Orlando. It was the only thing that gave me a purpose.

As a result of the post Disney blues and the installation of a new pastor, in March 2004 Paula and I were led to go back to Oakland Baptist Church. At church I got involved in the children's ministry. Eventually that helped me with the depression. But that didn't happen until 5 to 6 months after our Disney World trip.

I wanted to go back to Disney World from the moment I left; but I never ever thought I'd be able to afford to go again. That made me feel even worse.

To sum it all up in the days after my first trip to Walt Disney World I was pretty depressed and felt hopeless in my life.

Now let's look at the days which are ahead of me now after my 50th birthday trip.

Let's start with the fact that despite the long 13 hour plus drive and that we were pretty much "on the go" most of the time we were there the physical effects of the 2010 Disney experience wasn't a "death march" but similar to having run a marathon. We are both tired and will need time to recover both physically and mentally. I'm certian we will recover and it will have a positive effect on our lives.

We will also look back on it as a physical accomplishment. It was difficult but it didn't "kill" us. The fact that we were a combined 290 + pounds lighter this trip is the biggest factor in that difference. We also learned our lesson and took an afternoon break (aka nap) back at our hotel two of the four days we were in the parks. This made the biggest difference in the world. The 2 evening visits to Magic Kingdom on Wednesday and Epcot on Friday were probably the most enjoyable times we had in the parks.

So our memories, both Paula and mine, of this trip will be 90% pleasant ones. That's a big factor in our decision to visit Disney World again someday. The good experience and the possibility of going back also cuts down on the "blues" of the ending of such a landmark experience in my life. I will, for the most part, not experience any depression about the fact that the trip is over this time. I'm sure I'll wish from time to time that I could be back there but with a very positive emotion spin to it.

Secondly, my job at ShopNBC is going rather well. I have really performed beyond management's expectations since returning the 3rd week of July. My days don't seem so long and I am actually enjoying being good at my job. The 40 hour week is not that bad. I am motivated to get even better and have set my sights on getting at least Sundays off sometime in the near future.

Also on a personal basis I have a lot of projects and goals that I'd like to accomplish. Some of them would probably seem rather unimportant to anyone but me. These include organizing our household a bit better, completing the conversion of my Christmas music to I-Tunes, writing and recording a few new Rewind programs as well as others.

Then there are those goals that are on very high importance level. The highest of course is returning my continuing desire to grow as a Christian and becoming closer in my relationship with God as well as doing His will for my life. This, of course, would include advancing my ventriloquism ministry. I will now, once again, focus on being a ventriloquist and getting to share the gospel with children through my puppets.

I also have the task of finally reaching my weight loss goal. As I come back from vacation I still have about 60 pounds to lose. At the rate I've been losing this will still take probably the better part of a year. But I know how to do it and am confident that by my 51st birthday I will have reached my goal and will be in the "maintenance" part of my weight control. This is the one thing I'm most excited about and determined to accomplish. I won't be rubber stamping the word "Accomplished" on the mission I started on July 6, 2009 until I reach 170 pounds. That's what I'm working toward.

I guess if I had to sum it up in one sentence I would say that the difference between returning from the Disney World vacation in 2004 and coming back from this one is a matter of having hope and purpose versus not.

This comparison between my return in '04 and 2010 shows what a great work God has done in my life in the last 6 years. It just goes to show you what changes can happen if you study the Bible for what it really is and apply it to your life with God's grace and the Holy Spirit's guidance.

So now it's now "back to my regularly scheduled life". The Disney World trip will be on my mind for a long time; especially as I write down my recollection for the purpose of yet another Disney Trip book. But I'm not going to be clinging to the time in Florida as my only means of surviving from day to day. I've got too much to do in my life to live in the past. No depression just optimism here. It's 2010, I'm 50 years old with a lot of livin' to do. The future's bright and I'm wearing sunglasses. Time to move forward.