First "Lap" of Race To Surgery Complete

Yesterday afternoon I went to my doctor for the 7th and final time as part of the "physician supervised weight loss program" required by my medical insurance company in preparation for bariatric surgery later this year.

I haven't mentioned anything about this on this blog for quite a while. To be honest, the reason for my silence on this issue has been my lack of commitment to it. Other than fro the first month or so I haven't been focusing on losing weight over the last 6 months I haven't put much "effort" into it at all. As a matter of fact when I got on the scale this morning I weighed the same as I did before my first appointment last September.

Having said that I now have the initial medical documentation I need to proceed toward the insurance company's approval of my surgery. I'm not downplaying the importance of my lack of commitment to this life changing action. I know I need to be a 100% more spiritually, emotionally committed and behaviorally demonstrative of my belief. I must show in my actions that I am "on board with the plan to take the extreme measure of altering my body as the solution to being overweight and unhealthy.

A couple of things have happened to me over the last 6 months in regard to the way I view this surgery. First of all I've become extremely limited physically. I cannot walk more than a few yards without out of breath and weak. I cannot stand in one place for ANY length of time. Even standing up in church just long enough for the preacher to pray or the congregation to sing a couple of short songs leaves me gets me tired. The walk from the break room to the call center at work (about 300 yards) leaves me so exhausted and out of breath that I don't even leave the call center for my second break.

Second, I've started to take to pursue a different perspective of my conviction that the gastric by-pass would be wrong for me and the lap band placement is the way to go. Both procedures are only "tools" to help lose weight and keep it under control. The ultimate responsibility for behavior that will keep my weight down and not falling back into bad habits over time is mine. I need to choose the "tool" that will be the most helpful for me. The initial drastic weight loss and the subsequent and continuing combination of food restrictions and malabsorption in regard to diet and digestion, respectively, seem to be the best "tool" option for me.

In the past I have vehemently argued that tampering with one of God's creations, the human body, was not being faithful to Him. But over the last 6 or 7 months I have discovered that the real sin has been my continued gluttony. It that has allowed the body He has blessed me with to become lazy and unable to do His will. Although I have recognized my lack of stewardship with my body (read Romans 12:1&2) I have yet to experience true repentance for this sin. I have to admit I LOVE the sinful pleasure of overeating. Coming to a repenting realization that I need to rid my life of this sin is without a doubt the most important spiritual issue in my life right now. To boil it down to brass tacks (a mixed metaphor I know) I must decide who I love more and who I will serve food or God.

In a way I am like the rich young man, in the gospel of Mark chapter 10, who asked Jesus what he had to do to gain eternal life. Jesus told him he had to sell all his possessions and give the money to the poor. The man was not willing to give up his riches. They obviously meant a lot to him. They gave him a sense of safety and security. He obviously LOVED being rich. His riches meant enough to him that he chose to keep them; despite the fact that their sacrifice opened the way to eternal life.

In my life food are my "riches." I hold onto the pleasure of eating in spite of the fact that it causes me to sin against God and prevents me from being used for His glory. Before I have a surgeon change my digestive tract ;I've got to allow the Holy Spirit change my heart.

Next week, March 20, Paula and I are taking the next step in the pursuit of bariatric surgery. We have an appointment with our surgeon, Dr. Houston, in Nashville. But as I stated, in my case, the more important preparation for this life changing decision is a change in my heart and my relationship with God.

It's an continuing tale that I pray will one day in the near future bring me to a place where I can answer my creator's call to service with all my body and soul.