NBC’s Done It Again

Exit Piers Morgan (left); Enter Howard Stern. Really?

NBC, the television network that’s ranks 4^th in the broadcast ratings race (only the WB keeps it out of last place) has shot itself in the foot again by making a controversial change to one of its most popular shows.

If you’ll remember over the last 20 years moves made by NBC has sparked the two of the most infamous power battles in the history of the TV business. Both of them involved the iconic late night talk show, The Tonight Show.

The first happened in the early 1990’s and involved the choice of a replacement for the legendary host Johnny Carson, who was retiring. The network overlooked the obvious and logical successor, David Letterman in favor of the less popular choice, Jay Leno. The decision resulted in Letterman’s departure from the network to host a competing show on CBS.

Then in 2009 NBC in an effort not lose Letterman’s successor to the “Late Night” talk show, Conan O’Brien, made the dumbest “its not broke so let’s fix it” move since the introduction of new Coke.

They replaced Leno with O’Brien as Tonight Show host and moved Leno to a 10PM prime time show. It was a monumental failure lasting only 8 months.

Both of these infamous NBC faux pas are explored in the books “The Late Shift” and “The War For Late Night” both by Bill Carter.

I’ve mentioned these NBC mistakes to rant about what I perceive as a choice by the network that ranks right up there with them. It involved one of my favorite summertime TV shows and one of NBC’s rare ratings successes, America’s Got Talent.

Because he’s now the host of his own talk show on CNN, one of the 3 judges on AGT, Piers Morgan has left the show. That leaves Sharon Osborne as the only remaining original judge on the 3 person panel. Comedian Howie Mandel replaced David Hasselhoff at the start of the show’s 2010 season. NBC in it’s infinite wisdom has signed to replace Morgan…(drumroll please) Howard Stern (“you lose” music from “The Price Is Right”).

I can't think of a worse choice in all media. How does he fit into this show? What does he know about talent? If the person auditioning is not dancing around a pole, stripping or taking their clothes off, how does Stern know if they’ve got talent or not?

Howard Stern is on Sirius satellite radio because he is too vulgar for broadcast radio. How is he going to fit in on a “family” network show? Can you see Howard Stern making a judgement call on someone like Kaitlyn Maher or Jackie Evancho? 

While Pier Morgan was not the most likable guy on the show his harsh judgement were coated in pure honesty. While his judgments might  have on the mean side rather often he wouldn't say them if they weren't genuine. Stern has a reputation for being caustically mean and crude. His nastiness is extremely self serving. How will this fit into the atmosphere of AGT?

I will never know because I will never watch another minute of “America’s Got Talent.” I’m sure several of the other people I know who watch the show will probably won't either. You have to wonder just how many of the show’s 14 million viewers and it’s many advertisers who want to reach a “family based” demographic will abandon the show as well.

So once again NBC makes a bad decision when replacing a person vital to the continued success of one of its most popular programs. Perhaps someone should tell NBC executives that continuing to do the same thing (in this case stupid choices for the people involved on their popular shows) and expecting different results is the quintessential definition of “insanity.”

I’ll miss AGT very much but I’ll get over it just like I did with “American Idol.”

Under Construction

Blogger’s Note: Before I get into the details of this post I want to acknowledge that the idea came from my friend and fellow Smiths Grove resident, church member and friend, Gail. Her simple off hand statement about the state of development in our little town helped me make a mental connection I hadn’t made before. Thank you Gail. Your observation inspired me and your buckeye candies have always made me smile. 

As I’ve documented many times in this blog I really love the small town where I live. You can leave things outside and they are still there when you go for them again. You can walk around the  perimeter in about an hour.

There’s a library, a bank, a pharmacy, a gym, a Dollar Store, three major fast food chain restaurants, three locally owned restaurants, a walk-up window service ice cream stand, a veterinarian’s office, a grocery store, a US post office, a hardware store, two tax accounting offices, two dentist offices, a coin operated car wash, a small locally owned hotel, a truck stop, two antique shops, a bed and breakfast in a historic home, an elementary school, a cemetery and 6 churches all within a square mile area of my house.  

“The Grove” is a combination of a quaint little town and a busy stop off point along a major interstate highway (I-65). Our town’s exit, 38, is just about half way between Louisville and Nashville.  The entire distance of the highway goes from just south of Gary, Indiana to Mobile, Alabama.

The town has developed a quite a bit since I’ve moved here. It’s not been a “booming” development. It’s changed gradually; a little at a time. But over the last 9 years I can’t remember a time when there was so much new building going on at the same time.

Right now there are 3 building projects going on in town at the same time. One is an expansion project and the other two are constructions of two entirely new buildings. All three of them will be of benefit to me in some way.

The expansion is happening at the local McDonald’s restaurant. They are enlarging the lobby area at the front of the building.  

In the rear of the building they are making a single drive thru a double lane. This will make it easier to occasionally grab something quick for breakfast, or in Paula’s case just a cup of coffee, without a long wait,  before hitting the interstate on the way to work.

About a block away from the McDonald’s on the other side of the main road is the site of the future home of Dr. Roger Thomas, Veterinarian Clinic. Presently their office is only ½ mile from my house. It’s where I take my dogs when they have health issues.  When the new office opens it will mean either a short car ride or a 2 mile round trip walk to get Angel or Dory there. The walk won’t be a problem because they both love getting out on their leash. 

The construction as pictured here doesn’t really give very much information about the new office except that it’s going to be bigger than their current office. We’ll have to see if it’s going to be better for us.

The third construction area is the most needed in our little town. It’s a new public library. The new facility will be a couple of blocks closer to my house. It’s literally on my side of the railroad tracks.

I don’t know any specifics about the new building. I have watched the progress of the construction almost from the beginning. The site is along the route I walked my dogs over the course of the summer. It’s made great strides. I don’t know when it will be completed or the scheduled opening date; but it will probably be early next year. The picture was taken just a few days ago.

I will go to this new library just as often as or perhaps even more often than I do the current facility now. But my real goal is to perform ventriloquist show there.

So there you have the 3 construction projects currently going on in Smiths Grove. For the size of the town that level of activity is pretty impressive. And as I mentioned before they will all affect my lifestyle in one way or another.

While I was aware of the projects I didn’t realize their relevance to me until last Friday night. That was when that was brought to my attention by our friend, Gail, on the way to a local theater production. Thanks again Gail. It reminds me just how much the life of this small town is intertwined with mine…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Small Town Christmas Parade: Part 2

This is part 2 of my report about my participation in the Smiths Grove Christmas parade on Friday December 2. My giant wrapped gift / mobile ventriloquist stage was complete now it was time to head to the parade.

I pushed the decorated cart to the staging area for the parade at Ed Spear Park about ¾ of a mile away from my house. Along the way I saw several people I knew including my sister in law and a co-worker from ShopNBC who had her 3 kids with her. I gave them each a Tootsie Pop from my candy stash.

I arrived at the park and was in my designated parade position right behind an SUV from PNB bank. Their mascot “Linny”, an orange furry character of some kind would be standing up in the back of it as it drove down Main Street. After I found my spot in the third of four rows that each ran the length of the parking lot I had about a 45 minute wait before the parade would start.

I realigned the box around the cart and tightened the wires. Then I set up the Ipod and the sound system so the song “Jungle Bells” would play as I walked along the street. I unzipped the gym bag and released Leopold. I put on his Santa hat and straightened his mane the positioned him on the small wooden bench in the cart’s seat. I was ready to go but there was still about 45 minutes before the parade started.

I decided to take advantage of the captive audience aka all the others who were also waiting in their lines. I picked up Leopold and began to stroll among the flat beds and vehicles. Leopold talked with everyone he saw wishing them a “Merry Christmas.”

Most of the kids really liked him and spoke directly to him telling him their names and asking him various questions about himself. Seeing their reaction and how they treated Leopold as though he was real gave me lots of confidence. It made me anxious to get started.

A woman who was with the PNB vehicle really made a big fuss over Leopold. I took advantage of her admiration and asked her to take a picture of us.

Soon the parade started and our procession made it through the park gates and onto the parade route.

I handed out my first pieces of candy and Leopold began wishing all he encountered “Merry Christmas”.

I went from curb to curb handing out candy to the kids and letting Leopold tell everyone how he was Santa’s helper. I wanted to spend time talking with all the kids I saw but there were dozens and dozens of them and I had to keep moving.

The parade was fun for the first half of the route; but there were things that happened that made the 2^nd half a little less enjoyable.

The pace of the parade was a lot faster than I thought it would be. Both the PNB vehicle in front of me and the pick-up pulling the flat bed behind me moved down the street a lot faster than I realized they would.

By the time I got to the area between the railroad tracks and the Flavor Isle (that’s the local independent window service fast food place) I was practically running to catch up with the parade in front of me and to keep what was behind me from passing me by.

I also had a problem that was of my own doing. I had taken a spool of extra ribbon with me just in case I needed it to fix up the cart. When I didn’t need it I stashed the spool in the bottom of my candy bag.

About halfway through the parade as I was reaching in to grab candy and give it to the spectators the ribbon unraveled. It tangled around my wrist tethering my hand to the bag. That made it really difficult to hand out candy. I ended up with a lot left over.

The last half of the parade was more like my jogging ½ a mile while pushing a shopping card. I don’t remember handing out buy 3 or 4 handfuls of candy over the last couple of blocks.

At Sixth Street the parade turned to the right and headed back toward the local elementary school. That’s where the route would end. Instead of turning right I went left past the county police who were blocking traffic. By this time I was tired, overheated and ready to go home. That’s where I headed.

When I got home I felt a sense of accomplishment. I wasn’t totally satisfied with what I had just been through. But I had done what I set out to do. From an idea I had created a stage from which as a ventriloquist, in about an hour I had appeared in the largest audience of my entire career. That was my objective all along.

Now what do I take away from my participation in the Smiths Grove Christmas Parade? I have learned not to be afraid to try and expand the spectrum of my creativity. I now have a bit more confidence in the fact that I can make my ideas tangible and not just on the written page, recorded on a CD or a digital computer file. In the future I will be more certain when it comes to “making” tangible projects.

What I’ve learned from being in the parade is this. Next year I will do something different. I will forgo the candy give away. As I’ve mentioned nearly everyone who is in the parade gives away candy. So I think focusing on interacting with the spectators more instead of handing out sweets will be more effective. I will be different than those throwing candy.

The reason for not throwing candy is so that, instead of pushing a cart I can carry my puppet. This will give me even more mobility along the route making it easier to keep up the pace. Even if I fall behind jogging with a 2 or 3 pound puppet to catch up will be a lot easier than it was on the run while pushing a 30 pound shopping cart with one hand.

See lessons learned. Just goes to show you that being part of my small town’s Christmas parade was not only fun it was a learning experience.

I can’t wait until next year. 

Our 9th Anniversary

Today My beautiful wife and I celebrate 15 years since we first met online and 9 years since we met at the very alter we are standing in front of in this picture. There we exchanged our wedding vows and became one in the eyes of God.

As I review the highlights of the last 9 years in my mind I can't believe what a difference my wife's love has made in my life. I can't wait to see what the next dozen years holds for us.

Happy Anniversary Paula. You are The Love of My Life. 

In Memory Of Harry Morgan

I know I still need to post the 2nd part of my Christmas parade experience but I feel the need to address a "current event" in a timely manner.

Even though he’s been out of the public eye for about 20 years I was saddened by the news of the death of actor Harry Morgan. He passed away this week at the age of 96.

Morgan’s acting career spanned nearly 5 decades comprising of hundreds of roles both in film and on television. But when I think of Harry Morgan I remember him most for three of his many characters.

First there’s his part as Cully, a song writer in the 1966 Elvis Presley movie, Frankie and Johnny. Here’s a publicity shot of him and “The King of Rock and Roll” from the film.

Next is the role of Detective Bill Gannon, partner to Sargent Joe Friday, on the 1960’s TV drama series, Dragnet. He reprised that role in 1987 when he played Captain Bill Gannon in the Dan Ackroyd / Tom Hanks Dragnet movie.

Finally there’s the role that defined Harry Morgan’s career.

As Colonel Sherman T. Potter for 8 seasons on the sitcom M*A*S*H, Morgan was part of ensemble cast that made the show one of the top 25 all-time best as ranked by TV guide in 2009.

Of course M*A*S*H is my personal number one favorite sitcom ever. The character of Sherman T. Potter’s addition to the personnel roster of the 4077th provided the presence of a respectable authority figure. It rebooted the show’s dynamic and allowed the other characters to be funny but less cartoony.


While the zaniness of the first 3 seasons with Mclean Stevenson as M*A*S*H’s commanding officer is classic comedy (quite a few of my favorite episodes are from those initial years). But in my opinion the show would have only lasted half as long as it did if the characters hadn’t become more real. The change allowed the audience to identify with how the hospital staff dealt with the comedy and the tragedy of war.


Harry Morgan’s Colonel Potter,  a combination of stern commander, father figure, and like able but vulnerable friend, was part of the foundation upon which the element essential to the longevity of the show rested.


So it is with a heavy heart that I deal with the news that Harry Morgan is no longer part of this world. Just like Hawkeye Pierce and B.J. Hunnicut in the final scenes of M*A*S*H’s 2 hour series I salute you Harry Morgan. Good-bye, Farewell, and Amen.



Creating A Christmas Cart

One of my favorite nights of the year in my little home town is the night of our annual Christmas parade.

In the 10 Christmases I’ve lived in Smiths Grove nearly all of them I’ve taken the time to go watch the parade. The last year I walked up and down Main Street watching the people as they watched the parade.

As little as 6 weeks ago I was planning on doing the same thing again this year. I was really looking forward to walking down the sidewalks bustling with people standing round small fire pits on the front lawns of the houses on Main Street turned into front row seats. I guess you could call the gatherings “parade parties.”

But after the very positive and extremely fun experience of dressing up as a pirate and handing out candy on Halloween I came up with another idea.

I decided that, this year, I was going to be in the parade with one of my ventriloquist puppets. Ideas began running through my mind about how I was going to do it. Most of the people, churches, or organizations that are in the parade are either in a car or on a flatbed trailer being pulled by a vehicle.

In 2006, the first year I started doing ventriloquism again, I rode on the Oakland Baptist Church trailer. I took my first vent friend, Calvin. Here’s what we looked like that cold December night 5 years ago.

But riding on a trailer, waving, and throwing out candy wasn’t what I wanted to do in the parade.
FYI, one of the traditions of the Smiths Grove Christmas Parade is that every those in the parade, except for the marching bands, toss candy to the spectators. A kid can get quite a collection of sweets just standing in one place as their confectionary distributing benefactors pass by them. It’s sort of a reverse version of “Trick or Treat.”

I wanted to walk along and interact with the crowd, especially the kids. Although I wouldn't be able to give out many of my business cards at least it was visiblity in front of the public. Getting out there and being recognized is good no matter how you do it.

I came up with an idea that would give me the mobility to get close to the crowd. I decided to push a cart decorated as a giant wrapped present.

I registered for the parade online by way of the Smiths Grove website. The sign up form required a description of your entry and how it fit into the parade theme: “A Small Town Christmas.” I came up with an idea that would allow me to use my new lion puppet, Leopold.

Based on the song from the Four Seasons Christmas album, Jungle Bells, I came up with a story of how Leopold stood in for Santa Claus to deliver presents to all his animal friends in a small town in the jungle.

I borrowed a shopping cart from the local IGA grocery store and went to work on it this week. My goal was to make a Christmas present out of the cart and put signs that read “Leopold Saves Christmas: on each side. I also wanted to set up a PA system using my Ipod to play “Jungle Bells” as I walked along the parade route.

With cardboard flats obtained at Sam’s Club I measured and cut the 3 sides. I only needed 3 sides because I was going to be pushing the cart while giving life to Leopold , who would be sitting in the cart’s seat.

I pieces bendable wire and poked them through the cardboard so I could secure the sides to the cart’s basket. Then I covered the cardboard with silver and red striped wrapping paper.

Here’s a picture of the initial stages:

Next came top of the box, the ribbon and the bow. I thought green would be a nice contrast. I wanted to top to be removable so I could store things inside the cart.

The signage for the cart proved to be the most challenging and something with which I needed some help. I took a pair of clear Plexiglas 11X14 sheets and spelled out the phrase “Leopold Saves Christmas” in 2 inch high gold vinyl self-adhesive letters. Although not perfect they were meticulously aligned on the plastic.

I then brushed the letters with white glue sprinkling silver glitter on them. The embellishment would give the letters some visibility at night. But I made a mess getting the glue and the glitter, not just on the letters but all over the otherwise plastic sheets.

That’s when Paula came to my rescue. She took at least an hour or more meticulously cleaning up my mess using nail polish remover. She then redecorated the letters with glitter using clear nail polish as a more effective adhesive. Here’s a shot of the final result.

 Next was the giant gift tag that would display the IGA logo acknowledging their sponsorship as I had promised. I learned from my lettering disaster and used glue and glitter in an efficient and effective way.

Using ribbon I tied the signs to the sides and front of the cart. It took some creative improvising but it turned out pretty good.

With cosmetic look of the cart finished I had to set up the functional features including the PA and music systems as well a means of dispensing the candy. I had a lot of candy and needed to have a way to easily distribute it to the spectators. I tied the handles of a black cloth bag to the cart handle so it was right in front of me as I was moving along the parade route.

Placing a microphone stand in the basket of the cart I used a flexible goose neck extension to position a microphone to be in front of me as I pushed the cart. The microphone was a novelty toy I bought at Wal-Mart. Press a button on the side of the mike and your voice was altered to sound like you had just breathed in helium. It made you sound like an elf. The toy also allowed you to use it as amplification for your regular voice and it had about a dozen popular Christmas songs loaded onto it so that you could play music and or sing along.

To make sure I could be heard I taped the lapel mike of my personal PA system to the bottom of the novelty mike. The personal PA system is a small battery powered amplifier in a imitation leather case that straps around your waist. It gives volume to your voice while giving you mobility.

By taping the lapel mike to the toy the ability to communicate with the crowd was established. Next I put a small portable stereo in the cart seat and connected my Ipod. This would allow me to play any Christmas song I had in my collection at any time along the parade route.

Also in the seat of the cart I placed a small wooden foot stool that my dad had made in high school. The practical reason for having this with me was to give Leopold a place to sit. The sentimentality of having it with me was that I felt like part of my dad would be in the parade with me. I know he would have loved seeing me go down the street with my puppet.

Here’s what the complete parade-ready cart looked like.

I am pretty proud of the cart. It was visual evidence of my creativity from concept to reality. It was my idea from start to finish. It took a lot of time effort and resources to make it happen.

At 4PM on Friday the cart at last was finished with only a couple of hours before the start of the parade. There was residual evidence in nearly every room in my house as to the extent of effort it took to create the cart. This included: tools, arts and crafts supplies on my kitchen table; a roll of duct tape, remnants of ribbon, and wrapping paper scraps on the spare couch in the living room, puppets and ventriloquist props strewn in my computer room and our “dog room.” Cleaning it up would be put on my weekend agenda.

The last steps in preparing the cart was getting Leopold ready and putting on my costume. I dressed Leopold in a Santa Claus T-shirt and hat. I had on an elf hat, complete with pointy fake ears and a string of jingle bells hung around my neck with an old shoestring and cascading down the front of me. They jingled every time I moved . I wore a brown long sleeved shirt and dark green sweat pants.

I took some last minute precautionary measures. I packed some extra duct tape, wire, wire cutters and ribbon just in case the cart sustained some damage on the walk down to Ed Spears Park. By 5 o’clock I was ready. It was time to go to the parade.

I’ll have more on that in my next post.

Melissa and The Monkey

Today is the 40^th birthday of Melissa Margaret Havens, my niece. Here are a couple of the most “flattering” pictures I have of her.

 

The first is her 1st grade school picture (age 6). I don't know how old she is in the 2nd one. I'd appreciate it if someone could let me know.

To me, Melissa reaching this significant milestone in her life means I’ve been an uncle for quite a long time. As I mentioned a couple of days ago I’ve always felt I’m pretty good at being an uncle.
Among my nieces and nephew, Melissa and Marci are the two I spent the most time with as they were growing up. I took them to see nearly every kid’s movie that came to the theater from the time they were two until they were teenagers. Most of them were Disney films. That could explain why Melissa to this day is a real fan of the Disney and has an extensive collection of Disney movies.

Back then I felt that taking his nieces the movies is something an uncle does. I guess the reason this was because when I was 4, my uncle who is also Melissa’s dad, Gene, took me to see Mary Poppins. It is the first movie I remember seeing in the theater.

(For those who don’ how it’s possible that my uncle can be my niece’s father and my brother-in-law just accept it for now and I promise to explain it some other time)

One of the other unique things I liked to do with Melissa and Marci was let them pick out their own birthday presents.

On a Saturday morning around each of their birthdays (August for Marci and December for Melissa) I would pick them up around lunch time. I would take them to McDonalds’ for lunch. We then went to the toy store. I told the birthday girl she had a certain amount of money to spend on something she wanted. The “unbirthday” girl got to pick out something too but with a little less to spend. There was one special birthday shopping trip that the 3 of us talk about this day.

This was in the early 80’s so the commercial development boom in the Easton and Phillipsburg area had not even started yet. The nearest major toy store was 30 minutes away in Allentown, Pennsylvania. So the girls and I drove up route 22 to get to the Kiddie City toy store on MacArthur Road. As I remember it now I believe we were celebrating Marci’s birthday on this particular outing.

The girls had a good time looking around for their toys. I don’t remember what Marci picked out as her present but I do remember she was very happy with it. Melissa’s choice was a small brown stuffed monkey.

As we got in the car to head home the two sisters were holding their respective choices in their laps playing with them.

Melissa asked for my suggestions for the monkey’s name. My response was the name “Oscar”. Here’s the reason behind that suggestion.

You see at the time of this story the popular TV comedy, The Odd Couple, starring Tony Randall and Jack Klugman, was showing in reruns every night at 11PM on station WPIX out of New York. I watched it every night.

The Friday night before the birthday outing I had watched an episode called “Felix The Calypso Singer”. The episode’s plot is typical for that series and extremely simple compared to the “outrageous” sitcoms of today.

Within that episode, Felix, sings a calypso song about his friend Oscar. Because watching a clip of this episode would help you understand the story better I invite you do so using this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stKhc6Kdm40

I followed up my suggestion to my niece by singing this song adapted so that it was about the stuffed monkey. “Once there was a monkey named Oscar. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar.”

I think I added a couple of improvised verses as well. The girls were so impressed that I had made up a song about the cute little monkey that we ended up singing the rest of the way home and for quite a while after that.

As I said to this day when my nieces and I are together one or the other of them mentions the monkey name Oscar. I believe the last time we talked about him Melissa told me that she still has him somewhere in her room.

So every once in a while when I watch some Odd Couple shows on DVD that episode always makes me think of my first born niece. Just like the song “Rainbow Connection” reminds me of her sister Marci. But that’s another story for another day.

So on the 40th anniversary of the night my mom and dad were at the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first grandchild and I was at home being forced to sit at the table and do my homework by a family friend who was watching me and Shari; I would like to say “Happy Birthday Melissa.”

I know the story I just wrote happened really a long time ago but it’s one of my favorite memories of you.

I can’t conclude this post without letting everyone know how proud I am of the fact that more than 15 years ago Melissa opened her heart and her life to take in a little boy who needed someone to care for him.

That little boy has grown into a fine young man who is my nephew, Bo. As a single parent Melissa has loved him unconditionally through the good times and the difficult ones.

I am extremely proud of my niece for her selflessness over the years. She’s a good mother to her son and that’s something that’s important no matter what age you happen to be.